Find meaning if you want to make Change Stick
by Marji Keith
My clients come upon my services looking for a positive change in their lives. Both positive Psychology and health coaching, after all, can be described as ways of taking a personfrom where they are to where they want to be. And arrival at the new destination usually requires some solid behavior changes.
My clients want to get unstuck. They also want to STAY unstuck.
Einstein is quoted as saying the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. We know we want different results, we know we want to change. In the case of behavior change the thing we do over and over is get off to a great start and then quit too quickly. Think New Year resolutions, or starting a diet but giving up after ten days. So what is the secret for getting us unstuck and STICKING to that unstuckness?
The change you seek may be something like, “starting tomorrow I get up at 6am to go jogging,” or “starting tomorrow I start eating celery while bingeing Netflix instead of Skittles.” So what about sticking with this new habit? What makes our resolve to make the change so fleeting? How can we translate this change and make it stick for the long term?
It turns out that our brains don’t necessarily love - or even accept- the changes our hearts desire. And the neuroscience behind why our brain avoids change explains it. When we have outcome goals like, “I’m going to start a diet tomorrow,” or “I’m going to run a marathon in September,” the brain says, “uh oh! I didn’t know about this!” Without context, that is to say, without MEANING, change signals uncertainty, and uncertainty to the brain is a threat which triggers the threat response. In turn the threat response blocks our prefrontal cortex from allowing us to follow through on our plans, limiting the possibility for change.
Even if our intended change is incredibly important to us, jumping into the action right away without first digging into the meaning and connection to the meaning makes us likely to give up. When we are in uncertainty we find ourselves in a threat response. And our brain will shut down our action when it feels threatened. To eliminate the threat response we need to dig into the meaning of the change we want to make.
On a personal level when I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2017 I made drastic changes in my diet and lifestyle. My desire to survive for my three kids was palpable. I made immediate changes and I stuck to them throughout that cancer journey. And years later my meaning has changed to being there for my kids and grandkids in MIND, body and spirit - not just surviving, but growing old WELL. Taking a deeper dive into what that really means to me helps me stick to many of my healthy habits.
By internalizing the meaning behind our behavior change, we help the brain understand that this is who we want to be and this is why it is meaningful to us. We are wired to follow through on things that hold meaning for us. Good news, though, humans are meaning-making machines. By connecting the change we want with our values, beliefs and who we want to become, we make the change come alive. In this way we can follow through with our intentions and make change stick.
Comment below about your meaning
What change would you like to make in your life? What does this change mean to you? How does this change help you become the person you want to be?